15.06.2026

In our lifetime, we wander through countless relationships. We meet strangers who, with time, become friends, partners, companions, and eventually, family. Not every relationship we build shares our bloodline, yet somehow, our hearts learn to make room for them.

We are taught, from a very young age, to bring our kindest, most loving selves into the relationships we build. We are taught how to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good wife, a good friend. But somewhere along the way, we often forget to talk about one of the most complex relationships a woman may experience — the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law.

In Indian society, many of us women grow up with a certain image of what a mother-in-law will be like. It is an image passed down through stories, experiences, television, conversations and generations. And perhaps, without even realising it, we enter marriage carrying those stories with us.

The complexities surrounding this relationship have existed for so long that somewhere, we have forgotten to read the word “mother” in mother-in-law.

And perhaps, on the other side, mothers-in-law have sometimes forgotten to see the word “daughter” in daughter-in-law.

After being married for over a year, I find myself reflecting on this relationship — one that has perhaps been misunderstood, or perhaps shaped even before two women have had the opportunity to truly know each other.

Because often, they meet each other not as themselves, but behind carefully built shields of personality.

Maybe because of self-preservation.

Maybe because of fear.

Maybe because of something they have experienced themselves.

Or maybe because of the stories they have heard all their lives.

And perhaps it is time that we pause.

Perhaps it is time to step away, even for a moment, from the patriarchal definitions we have inherited and create our own understanding of this relationship.

Because before a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law even meet, society has often already written a rulebook for both of them.

And somewhere between these expectations, two women — who could have simply been two human beings trying to understand one another — become representatives of roles they never consciously chose.

So today, I want to ask both of them to do something very simple.

Forget the roles for a moment.

To every mother-in-law, can I ask you to put aside, just for a moment, every identity you have carried throughout your life?

Forget being a daughter.

A sister.

A wife.

A mother.

A daughter-in-law.

And all the other roles that life has given you.

And to every daughter-in-law, can I ask you to do the same?

Put aside the new identities that marriage has brought into your life.

Forget being someone’s wife.

Someone’s daughter-in-law.

Someone’s sister-in-law.

Someone’s daughter.

Someone’s responsibility.

Just for a moment, put all of it aside.

And now ask yourself:

What is left when all the roles are taken away?

No identity to perform.

No responsibility attached to a title.

No societal expectation telling you how you should behave.

No rulebook telling you what a woman in your position is supposed to do.

What remains?

A human being.

And, at the very core of it all,

a woman.

Just a woman.

And if we can meet each other from that place — not as a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but as two women — perhaps we can begin asking ourselves some different questions.

Why do we carry a set of judgements and expectations for each other when we are, at our core, the same?

Why do we expect two women to think alike simply because they are now connected by a relationship?

Why can’t two women be different and still coexist beautifully?

Why do we struggle so much to find common ground?

Why does a relationship that could hold so much warmth sometimes carry so much fear, hesitation, anger and unspoken emotion?

To Every Mother-in-Law

Your daughter-in-law was never taught the story after marriage.

The stories she heard growing up were mostly about getting married. And in those stories, marriage itself was often the happy ending.

Nobody really teaches a woman how to become a married woman.

Nobody tells her exactly how to enter a new home, understand new people, learn new relationships, adjust to new expectations and still find a way to remain herself.

She learns it every day.

Slowly.

Sometimes beautifully. Sometimes imperfectly.

And sometimes by making mistakes.

Give her that time.

Let her understand the home in her own way.

Let her understand the people around her.

And when she calls you Mother, perhaps remember that she is trying to find a little piece of her own mother in you.

She is looking for tenderness.

For reassurance.

For someone who can tell her, “You are okay. You don’t have to know everything today.”

Let her discover for herself what kind of person she can become in this new chapter of her life.

Because being a good daughter-in-law isn’t simply about how perfectly she manages a home.

It isn’t about how well she cooks, cleans, organises or fulfils every responsibility.

It is also about how she makes the people around her feel.

How she cares.

How she loves.

How she learns.

How she grows.

And perhaps, instead of asking, “What kind of daughter-in-law is she?”

sometimes ask,

“What kind of person is she trying to become?”

To Every Daughter-in-Law

Your mother-in-law comes from a very different time.

A time when a daughter-in-law was often expected to look after everything and everyone.

A time when her opinions may not have been asked for.

Her choices may have been limited.

Her freedom may have been conditional.

Perhaps she was not given the option to choose between her wishes and her responsibilities.

Perhaps she was simply expected to fulfil the responsibilities first.

And perhaps, most of the time, nobody even stopped to ask her what she wanted.

So maybe today, it is time to show her something different.

Maybe it is time to start conversations.

Talk to her about your choices.

Talk to her about the freedom you have today.

Talk to her about why things are different now.

She may not understand it immediately.

And that’s okay.

Change doesn’t always happen through one conversation.

Sometimes, it happens through repeated conversations, patience, affection and simply allowing someone to see life through a different window.

Try looking at her as a woman first.

A woman who may have spent a large part of her life living according to what others expected from her.

A woman who may have had dreams that were never spoken about.

Choices that were never offered.

Opinions that were never asked.

And maybe she doesn’t know how to suddenly become the woman you expect her to be.

Just as you are learning how to become the woman you want to be.

So perhaps, instead of fighting over who is right, let’s start talking about what each of us has lived.

Instead of comparing, let’s understand women.

Instead of carrying expectations into the relationship, let’s carry conversations.

Instead of trying to change each other overnight, let’s give each other the space to evolve.

Because at the end of the day, this relationship doesn’t have to be perfect.

It just has to be human.

Two women can have different opinions.

Different habits.

Different personalities.

Different ideas of love.

Different ways of showing care.

And still choose to respect each other.

Still choose to understand each other.

Still choose to coexist.

Maybe the goal was never to become the perfect mother-in-law or the perfect daughter-in-law.

Maybe the goal was simply to become two women who made each other’s journey a little softer.

Because one day, when we look back at our lives, the titles will fade.

The roles will change.

The responsibilities will move from one generation to another.

But what will remain is how we made each other feel.

And perhaps, that is the relationship we should start building —

not between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law,

but between one woman and another.